We have less time with our children than we think.
Eighteen Summers with our children sounds like a lot of time, especially when you’re right in the middle of it. But when you consider that they won’t remember the first few years and the last few they’d rather spend time with their friends over family, you end up with ten, maybe twelve, summers where you’re truly their whole world.
Ten summers.
How do you make sure you don’t waste a single one?
We have a picture from our very first Disney trip as a family. It shows our older boys perched on my husband’s shoulders so they could see the fireworks. At the time, it was just another vacation photo. A happy image with the castle in the background.
We didn’t realize it then, but that was the last time they ever sat on his shoulders.
Now that they’re grown and out of the house, that picture is priceless; because it almost didn’t exist. We were so close to missing that moment. We almost let budget constraints talk us out of that trip. We almost said “next year.”
But next year would have been too late for sitting on their dad’s shoulders and experiencing the magic of a childhood imagination at Disney.
There was no next year for these memories.
That experience taught me something I now use every time I plan family travel. It’s known as the Minimax Regret Principle, and although it originated in the business world, I find its application for personal experiences is much more useful.
The concept is simple. Reduce regret. But foreseeing regret while our children are still young is difficult. How can we know what we will miss decades in the future?
The Invisible Lasts
Somewhere between age 8 and 10, there’s a last time you pick up your child. A last piggyback ride. A last time they crawl into your lap. A last time your son holds your hand.
You almost never know it’s the last time these moments will happen.
That’s what makes the Minimax Regret Principle so powerful. You start treating more moments like they might be the last. You begin to cherish them as they are happening.
You say yes to one more bedtime story or song. You take the photo even though everyone’s a mess. You go on the trip even when it’s inconvenient.
Because someday, you’ll be desperate to remember these years. And the only regrets you’ll have are the moments you let slip by.
Discovering your Moments
I love travel, so inevitably I end up planning over-the-top dream vacations every year. It is highly unlikely that we will ever take that 3-week tour of China I keep trying to talk my husband into. It is also unlikely that we will take a ski trip to Europe while the kids are still young. But there is always an underlying reason I want to take these trips.
Using Minimax Regret allowed me to look at these dream vacations and see what I’m actually trying to create for my family; to ask myself why I wanted this trip in the first place. If we couldn’t make it happen, what would I regret most?
Once I could identify the intent for these adventures, I was able to scale them back to what really mattered and find a solution closer to home. The European ski trip was really about experiencing easier ski runs. We replaced it with a family weekend at a different ski resort that had wider, easier runs than our usual mountain. The China trip boiled down to an opportunity for our daughter to talk to various experts on subjects she was interested in. That morphed into finding volunteer opportunities we can do together locally, and she even gets training from a professional entomologist.
So even though we may never take those dream trips, we avoided the regret that would bring by finding functional alternatives. We made the important parts happen.
How to use Minimax Regret
Applying the Minimax Regret principle to your family memories consists of four steps:
1. Identify Future Regrets
Once you can see the end clearly, your decisions become easier.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself a few years from now. Your youngest just left for college. The house is quiet and empty. What do you wish you’d done more of together? Which moments do you wish you’d captured? What do you miss doing with your children? What experiences do you wish you’d prioritized?
Make a list of moments you don’t want to miss. Are there milestones, discoveries, or traditions you should focus on? Think about transitional ages; which first or last moments do you want to capture?
If you can’t come up with anything, consider asking your parents what treasures and regrets they have. What are their favorite memories? What did they wish they’d spent more time doing with you and your siblings? Or ask yourself what moments you loved or wish you’d had with your own parents.
Once you have a list of moments you want to preserve, keep them somewhere you will remember them. These are your future regrets, the moments you want to create together before it’s too late.
2. Learn Current Interests
Children are full of curiosity and energy. As they grow, their experiences shape their interests and the people they will become. Helping them to discover new interests, or delve deeper into existing ones, is an easy way to create memories they will cherish.
What are your children interested in at the moment? Have they repeatedly asked to do or see something specific? Can you dig deeper into any of the subjects they are learning or interested in? Have you made any promises or talked about any specific destinations together? What trips or experiences do you have planned this year? What keeps getting pushed to “someday?”
Identify impending last moments and special events you want to experience together. Look over your calendar for items you don’t want to miss.
3. Choose Meaningful Experiences
Combine your list of future regrets with what’s going on in your life now to make a short term action plan. A checklist of experiences you want to make happen over the next year.
What experiences will allow you to combine what they want to do with what you’ll treasure later? Can you scale down your own dream trip and accomplish the hidden purpose in a different way? What can you make happen now instead of never?
No single solution is right for everyone. Focus on experiences that will be meaningful to your specific family members.
This can be as simple as taking them to a concert if they play an instrument or visiting a museum focused on their latest obsession. Our list has both big and small experiences on it. Bike rides, family trips, picnics at the pool. Each family has its own unique requirements and a personalized way to accomplish these goals. Large families typically focus on birthday trips or dates with a parent so each child gets dedicated one-on-one time. Some parents’ work schedules don’t allow for much interaction on a regular basis; their vacations may focus on sensory experiences that provide core memories. Other families are focused on performance or learning opportunities.
This list doesn’t have to be set in stone. Tickets don’t need to be purchased in advance. You just need an outline of what you hope to accomplish over the coming year. A touchstone, so you have a reminder of which experiences are most important.
I like to have a large list to choose from. This gives me the flexibility to adjust to the chaos that is life with young children. We work to plan and accomplish as much as we can, but I always have some things left undone at the end of the year. And that’s ok. Each item you check off your list is a win. A moment you will savor into old age.
4. Calculate Regret
Remember to calculate regret along with cost as you plan each experience. Budgets are important, but memories compound differently than money. It’s important to create a careful balance.
When asking yourself “Can we afford this?” try adding “Can we afford not to miss this?”
Know which experiences are worth making happen no matter the effort or cost.
I almost missed my niece’s baby shower last May. Our entire extended family was going, but it was right in between my daughter’s final musical performance and her graduation activities. I initially responded that I wouldn’t be able to make it. But when she reached out personally, I realized I would absolutely regret not sharing that moment with her. I made the decision to go, though it meant rearranging our already hectic schedule. I took my daughter with me, and the moments we shared on that last-minute trip are some of the highlights from that year. And even though she missed an important class activity due to a delayed flight home, my daughter never regretted that opportunity to connect with her extended family.
Sometimes avoiding regret requires more than we think we can accomplish. But when we look back, we find it was always worth it.
The Minimax Regret Perspective
Let’s look at some examples to see how the Minimax Regret principle can be put into practice.
The Skill Investment
The Dilemma: Your kids want to learn to ski. That’s a 2-3 season commitment before their muscle memory kicks in and the process gets fun. Until then, it will be your responsibility to carry their gear, carry your child, make sure they’re not half frozen, and keep a positive attitude so they see skiing as fun.
The Temptation: Do you start now while they’re little, or wait until they’re old enough to appreciate the effort and carry their own gear?
Minimax Regret says: Start now. If you really want to share the slopes with your children, don’t wait.
Why it Matters: Over those learning years, you’ll work hard, yes, but you’ll also enjoy impromptu heart-to-heart conversations on the ski lift, the rush of taking on a difficult run together, the requisite sugary treat after a long day on the slopes, and those quiet moments and traditions that become part of your drive up and down the canyon.
The Grandparent Trip
The Dilemma: Your parents want to plan a big family trip or reunion that requires your entire travel budget.
The Temptation: Your kids are 3 and 5—too young to really remember it, you think. Should you wait?
Minimax Regret says: Go now. Time is a limited resource.
Why it Matters: You won’t regret family photos with multiple generations, allowing your children to get to know their grandparents, or creating close bonds between cousins. You might deeply regret waiting until it’s too late.
The “Someday” Trip
The Dilemma: Your 12-year-old has been begging to go to Australia for years.
The Temptation: The trip is way out of your budget, so you keep putting it off, saying “We’ll do it when you’re older.”
Minimax Regret says: Later turns into never. Find a scaled-down version you can do now.
Why it Matters: The budget trip they’ll remember beats the luxury trip that never happens. Find out what they’re really asking for. Perhaps a visit to a koala center at a zoo in the States would fill their request without having to fly halfway across the world.
Realistic Expectations
Using Minimax Regret does not mean you need to do everything. You can’t. Trying to do it all would ruin the moments you’re trying to create, as well as empty your bank account and exhaust your patience.
You don’t have to do it all. You just have to do something. Anything counts, as long as you do it together and with purpose.
Minimax Regret isn’t about maximizing experiences. It’s about minimizing the experiences you’ll wish you’d prioritized. It’s about reducing regrets.
It’s the difference between going to Disneyland every year (maximizing the experience) versus going once while they’re still young enough to believe in magic (minimizing your regret). It’s choosing the scaled down version of the dream over waiting for the perfect version that may never happen.
Moments Matter
I still tear up every time I see that picture of my boys and their dad at Disney. And every single time, I feel so grateful we were able to make that trip, those moments, happen. I can’t imagine not having those priceless memories.
In ten years, you probably won’t remember details about the budget or even the trip itself. What will stick with you are the emotions, connections, and experiences you created while you were together. You’ll remember seeing their smiles, holding their tiny hands in yours, and how much they loved you—and you loved them.
Don’t wait for perfect. Perfect rarely happens. Do the best you can, now. Because now is all we have.
Childhood is terminal. The end point isn’t well defined, but it is inevitable.
Capture every moment you can while they’re still little. Choose to have no regrets.
Copyright © 2026, Erin Zepf Uda / Well Worn Paths. All Rights Reserved.
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